Carcinoembryonic Antigen (CEA) Marker

I'm so emotional right now I can hardly write. After spending the past hour handwriting my Morning Pages on how my gut is telling me the chemo is not right for me, and that I feel I'm at a crossroads -- that I need to choose between Western Medicine and holistic medicine to resolve this cancer -- I found an e-mail message that score from Wednesday's CEA test was available to be viewed. I quickly logged into my patient account and opened the test results with hope and trepidation. What I read was so beyond my hopes and prayers that I burst into uncontrollable tears.

My CEA score has dropped from 232.4 on January 25th to 44.7 on February 22nd. In less than one month my score has dropped nearly 200 points! This is absolutely my message from the Universe to get off the chemo and move deeper into resolving the cancer holistically. I may still have to submit myself every six months for blood tests and a CT Scan, but I'm not going to move forward with more chemo and surgery. I feel I am on the way to being healed, and that full recovery lies in lifestyle changes (especially regular exercise); healthy, organic-only food choices; and maintaining a stress-free lifestyle.

Dr. G will absolutely disagree with me. I love Dr. G, but I'm not going to be influenced / intimidated / frightened by his Western Medicine death sentence -- that I won't survive to the end of the year without the prescribed regimen of chemo - surgery - chemo. This CEA test score has set me free!!! I cannot express how I'm feeling right now. I'm almost floating. I'm joyous. I'm relieved. I feel emancipated.

This morning's Morning Pages, completed only minutes before learning the results of this week's CEA level test:

The chemo is beginning to affect the quality of my life. Blurred vision, fatigue, my feet so on fire from neuropathy it is painful and difficult to walk. I'm so dehydrated it's a challenge to intake liquids. I want to go back to juicing -- but that's so much work I'm exhausted by the time the juice is ready to drink, and sometimes the strong smell of the juiced vegetables nauseates me. After each round of chemo I'm more and more tired. I'm overwhelmed with caring for my three fur babies, worrying about the cancer killing me, and staying on top of all the new nutritional guidelines. Nothing is normal. It's a lot to process. I begin to wonder if it's worth the fight. The chemo is beginning to take the fight out of me. 

In my gut, I do not believe in the chemo. In my gut, I feel I'm a statistic in the cancer-making machine of the American Drug Companies and exactly where they want me. In my gut, I believe that healthy foods, spiritual clarity and exercise can rid my body of this invader. So, why am I on the chemo? How I wish for a church of believes in radical remission. A 12-step program for cancer remission. Ha! That's an idea! CA meetings to healing. 

I think my truth is going to be to walk away from the chemo and the surgery and focus on radical remission. I need my mind clear, my body healthy, my energy intact to do that! The chemo is zapping me of all my resources and only making me sicker. I'm at a crossroads and need to make a decision. And dang my oncologist's office. I was supposed to have my CEA score by Friday. But I have nothing.  

My oncologist's office is a stressor. I never know if they will follow through on their promises. The staff makes so many mistakes providing information or with follow up. The nurses are young and uninformed about anything "outside the box", and they can be inexperienced and unable to smoothly do a simple blood draw or insert the needle properly into the port. All this causes me stress! That, coupled with the gut feeling I should be walking away from Western Medicine and healing on my own.

I believe this cancer returned because of (1) stress; (2) unhealthy food choices; and (3) the strong desire last year to die because of all the stress I was under. Well, the stress is now gone. I've completely changed my diet and am making healthy food choices and have lost more than 20 pounds. I no longer want to die, but, at the same time, I do not have a clear vision of why I want to live -- but I do know that I want to live.

I need to decide about the chemo. I can't tolerate another nine rounds of this poison. I have a strong mind and strong resolve. I believe in radical remission, so why not just do it?

How I feel today is the best I've felt in over a year! It's the first time I've really felt I have the rest of my life ahead of me. Grateful is a sorely inadequate expression of my feelings.

Click here for more information about CEA tests.

I'm going to be singing this song all day today! Our God is an Awesome God!!!!