and something ignited in my soul

In her NY Times best-selling book Radical Remission: Surviving Cancer Against All Odds, Kelly A. Turner, Ph.D., discusses nine key factors that consistently showed up in the more than one hundred personal interviews and thousand-plus written cases she analyzed of people who had healed their cancer through integrative oncology. One of these nine factors is Having Strong Reasons for Living.

When I received the news on November 31st, just five days after my 60th birthday, that my CEA score had risen to 217 (normal is less than or equal to 3 nanograms per milliliter (ng/mL)), I was not surprised. The previous 18 months had been beyond hellacious. I had become so depressed from the unrelenting stress from seemingly unending trials that I had completely lost my will to live. At one point I screamed angrily at God to bring the cancer back and to just let me die. And I meant it.

The stress lead to stress eating. While my meats, fruits and vegetables were 100% certified organic, I allowed more cookies and breads back into my diet. I began to drink more wine than I knew was healthy for me. I rarely exercised, except for a quick poo walk with my Dexter doggie. I gained about 20 pounds.

A CT Scan on January 5th revealed a tumor on my liver. A subsequent biopsy confirmed metastasis from my first diagnosis of colon cancer in December 2011. That tumor had been located in my colon, and I was diagnosed Stage III-A. This time, with the tumor metastasized to my liver, I was diagnosed Stage IV-A and given a death sentence -- dead before the end of the year unless I agreed to chemo, surgery, and more chemo.

It did take some time, and I confess it was not an easy transition, but I eventually found myself wanting to live -- wanting to survive the cancer and find a compelling reason for living.

First, I revived my lifelong practice of daily journaling, something I had set aside as life became more overwhelming and stressful.

Second, I agreed to participate in a spiritual healing with my transitional / cancer coach. I found myself able to put aside my anger and allow God to lead me where He wanted me to go on this new cancer journey.

Third, I became aware of the research on the power transformative writing as a means to heal cancer. As an English language professor and lifelong writer, this resonated deeply with me. I began to see this cancer as a means to share with other cancer patients the message of radical remission. I had found a new reason for living!

On February 28th, I signed up for an online course called "Changing the World with Words". It's one of a number of classes I will need to get certified as a Transformative Language Arts practitioner. The process will take about two years.

One of my first assignments was to write a poem using Pablo Neruda's "and something ignited in my soul" as a model. Here is what I wrote.

and something ignited in my soul

November 2016.
“Your CEA marker has risen to 217. I’m so sorry, Melinda,”
said my nurse specialist.

Denial.

December 2016.
“The CT scan shows a spot on your liver.
We need to do a biopsy and implant a port,”
said my oncologist.

Detached.

January 2017.
“The colon cancer has metastasized to your liver.
Without treatment you will die before the end of the year,”
said my oncologist.

Benumbed.

January 25. February 8. February 22. Chemo.

Sick. Side-effects. Tired.

So sick. So many debilitating side effects. So tired.

Somewhere inbetween.

“You can’t call this a battle or a fight, Melinda.

You have to find a way to embrace this,

heal,

and move past the cancer,”

said my transformation coach, Jane.

and something ignited in my soul

I awoke from my numbness, my compliance, my resignation.

I faced my fear and anger and overcame them.

And then the Universe responded and gifted me

with the people, knowledge, and tools

I needed for my recovery.

I broke free from the chains of a year-end death sentence.

I radically changed my diet and lifestyle choices.

I embraced a recovery without chemo and surgery.

My perspective shifted.

I envisioned a tunnel of white light

healing light

that I needed to walk through,

walk through with abiding faith

unwavering faith

to claim my cancer-free life.

I understood wholly

and completely

that the most powerful tool for remission

existed within me.

I did not call my cancer journey a “battle”
or a "fight".

I named it my “dance”.

I learned about my Killer Cells

named them my “pretty little gobblers”

and began to thank them every day
for annihilating the tumor in my liver.

In less than one month my CEA score dropped

nearly 200 points!

Through tears of joy and gratitude

I realized I was healing!

I am thankful for this journey,

and what it will teach me,

so I can be a voice

for the dance of cancer

for radical remission

for the freedom to be able
to walk away

from Western Medicine

from Big Pharma

and choose the path of self-healing.